I give you the TRUTH as seen by my eyes ^^

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EternalFireOfDeath's avatar
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I'd kill myself if I knew there is something after this and, honestly, uncertainty is sometimes the only thing that I have to hold on to.

I want to get my journals and art favourite and commented for attention. There I said it. But it isn't because I am an attention whore, I just want to know that some body has seen this and that someone has seen how I'm feeling.

I don't understand so much and I call myself an idiot. Because I am. No, it isn't an insult to me when I say it because I know I know stuff its just I know a little in general therefore I am an idiot because what I do know is VASTLY inferior to what I do know. By this reckoning we're all idiots. So what?

I want to hurt myself for so many reasons I've forgotten how I started but the main ones are-
           •To reflect how I feel on the inside
           •To scar myself so I remember this feeling
           •just for the sake of hurting myself

I will admit to hurting myself, to wanting to die and hating myself because that is ME. If I did other stuff then I would be some one else and I can't do anything else because it'd still be me.

I believe greatly in accepting the past because it is a part of us and if we don't accept it then we can't accept ourselves 'The past is myself' as it said on my history room wall for three years and yet I never knew who it was from. So if we refuse the past then we refuse ourselves.

I think if people were more open then they would be mocked by those who don't understand and although I am scared of that I will do this anyway because I CAN and I WANT to though I am unsure why.

I am not the most serious person and I don't spend my time continuously feeling depressed because I have the capacity to be happy and I am happy. It is just that I repress stuff a lot. All those thoughts and secret fears eventually rise again like bubbles of pain and tears.

I fail to see why I actually do this to myself now….Why would I hurt myself when I can see what's happening. Several reasons-
        1.I'm broken in some way
         2.I'm an idiot
         3.I get depressed (Not 'oh I feel really sad' but 'NOTHING HAS MEANING AND ALL IS HOPELESS' depressed)

I am now going to stop talking because I fear I won't stop…I also noticed that every paragraph starts with 'I' which makes sense since this about me. But please, if you can relate to this in anyway please favourite and comment so we can all see that we aren't alone.


P.s If it feels like you're seeing this again then you have found my blog on tumblr :D
© 2013 - 2024 EternalFireOfDeath
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LPStrinity's avatar
Laina, you're not alone! Things like this happen to all of us, and I guess I'm an idiot aswell! And proud of it! I have told you things I have told no others, because you're my friend. And as long as you have a friend, you aren't alone.


:iconaawplz: I am there for you. :heart: