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I'd kill myself if I knew there is something after this and, honestly, uncertainty is sometimes the only thing that I have to hold on to.
I want to get my journals and art favourite and commented for attention. There I said it. But it isn't because I am an attention whore, I just want to know that some body has seen this and that someone has seen how I'm feeling.
I don't understand so much and I call myself an idiot. Because I am. No, it isn't an insult to me when I say it because I know I know stuff its just I know a little in general therefore I am an idiot because what I do know is VASTLY inferior to what I do know. By this reckoning we're all idiots. So what?
I want to hurt myself for so many reasons I've forgotten how I started but the main ones are-
•To reflect how I feel on the inside
•To scar myself so I remember this feeling
•just for the sake of hurting myself
I will admit to hurting myself, to wanting to die and hating myself because that is ME. If I did other stuff then I would be some one else and I can't do anything else because it'd still be me.
I believe greatly in accepting the past because it is a part of us and if we don't accept it then we can't accept ourselves 'The past is myself' as it said on my history room wall for three years and yet I never knew who it was from. So if we refuse the past then we refuse ourselves.
I think if people were more open then they would be mocked by those who don't understand and although I am scared of that I will do this anyway because I CAN and I WANT to though I am unsure why.
I am not the most serious person and I don't spend my time continuously feeling depressed because I have the capacity to be happy and I am happy. It is just that I repress stuff a lot. All those thoughts and secret fears eventually rise again like bubbles of pain and tears.
I fail to see why I actually do this to myself now….Why would I hurt myself when I can see what's happening. Several reasons-
1.I'm broken in some way
2.I'm an idiot
3.I get depressed (Not 'oh I feel really sad' but 'NOTHING HAS MEANING AND ALL IS HOPELESS' depressed)
I am now going to stop talking because I fear I won't stop…I also noticed that every paragraph starts with 'I' which makes sense since this about me. But please, if you can relate to this in anyway please favourite and comment so we can all see that we aren't alone.
P.s If it feels like you're seeing this again then you have found my blog on tumblr
I want to get my journals and art favourite and commented for attention. There I said it. But it isn't because I am an attention whore, I just want to know that some body has seen this and that someone has seen how I'm feeling.
I don't understand so much and I call myself an idiot. Because I am. No, it isn't an insult to me when I say it because I know I know stuff its just I know a little in general therefore I am an idiot because what I do know is VASTLY inferior to what I do know. By this reckoning we're all idiots. So what?
I want to hurt myself for so many reasons I've forgotten how I started but the main ones are-
•To reflect how I feel on the inside
•To scar myself so I remember this feeling
•just for the sake of hurting myself
I will admit to hurting myself, to wanting to die and hating myself because that is ME. If I did other stuff then I would be some one else and I can't do anything else because it'd still be me.
I believe greatly in accepting the past because it is a part of us and if we don't accept it then we can't accept ourselves 'The past is myself' as it said on my history room wall for three years and yet I never knew who it was from. So if we refuse the past then we refuse ourselves.
I think if people were more open then they would be mocked by those who don't understand and although I am scared of that I will do this anyway because I CAN and I WANT to though I am unsure why.
I am not the most serious person and I don't spend my time continuously feeling depressed because I have the capacity to be happy and I am happy. It is just that I repress stuff a lot. All those thoughts and secret fears eventually rise again like bubbles of pain and tears.
I fail to see why I actually do this to myself now….Why would I hurt myself when I can see what's happening. Several reasons-
1.I'm broken in some way
2.I'm an idiot
3.I get depressed (Not 'oh I feel really sad' but 'NOTHING HAS MEANING AND ALL IS HOPELESS' depressed)
I am now going to stop talking because I fear I won't stop…I also noticed that every paragraph starts with 'I' which makes sense since this about me. But please, if you can relate to this in anyway please favourite and comment so we can all see that we aren't alone.
P.s If it feels like you're seeing this again then you have found my blog on tumblr
MOVED
I know this is kind of late since i've been gone 2 years...But i've got a new account ~AmatureDressUp (https://www.deviantart.com/amaturedressup) so please follow me there and i'm super sorry i left for so long, please forgive me ^^ I was going to make dress up games on that account but now its shifted to general drawings, its only 3 months old and i hope to se you there :)
FORGIVE ME
I'm sorry I have been sort of....well not on dA. I haven't really been in an art-y mood. More of an I'm never leaving this room and I wish I didn't exist mood.
Anyway today I turned 15 :D I got a drawing tablet and I drew something :D I'll put it up in a bit. Please forgive and I have several thousand messages, and devinations to go through....oh crap ^^
I also got a whole bunch of awesome stuff and when I find my camera I'll put up some pictures :D
Shameless self promotion~
Please look at my latest poem 'A cross to stick in your sinful soul' I spent many times on writinged it! I'll love you all ~iloveyouplz (https://www.deviantart.com/iloveyouplz)
http://eternalfireofdeath.deviantart.com/art/143-A-cross-to-stick-in-your-sinful-soul-356783135
SA~MU~RAI~!
World Is Mine
[ ] Someone called you 'bossy'
[ ] That person was your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush
[ ] You can act like a real diva from time to time
[ ] People say you're a spoiled person
[x] You act more confident then you actually are
[x] You can scream really girlish if you want to
[/] You get angry when you don't get what you want
2.5/7
Mozaik Role
[x] You are aware of the fact that love is very difficult to understand
[ ] You're disapointed in love somehow
[x] You've a bitter side
[ ] When you've dark feelings, you're able to dissolve them/make them disappear
[ ] Sometimes you don't know if somebody actually loves you
[x] Y
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